I am forty three years old and after years of struggling I am the happiest and healthiest I have ever been. I live with my soul mate, my prince charming and our beautiful kitten cat in a small flat in South London. We have enough. Just enough money, just enough friends, just enough time and resources to be who we are not having to strive to be something else. We share a sense of humour and a sense of moral indignation. We are polar opposites but we accept each other and accept ourselves. We are deeply in love.
This is what I have to hold onto in the weeks to come. This peace, this calm, this love. Tomorrow I go to the hospital to get my test results as I have a lump in my breast. The Doctors have told me to prepare for bad news. It is malignant we just need to know more.
For years my body has been playing tricks. The first time I had an emergency referral for a life threatening condition I was fourteen. I had a headache that wouldn’t go away. My left eye was malfunctioning. The GP told me I had a brain haemorrhage and sent me to the hospital. I didn’t want my head shaved so I pretended my headache had gone. It was 1984 and I had been listening to Blasphemous Rumours by Depeche Mode. They released me the next day with the diagnosis of a migraine. It was Good Friday. I promised God I would never listen to Depeche Mode again. When I was 35 they finally realised what was wrong… I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, type 3 a genetic condition that affects my whole body.
I have enough, I have enough strength to get through this, I have enough space and time. There is no why did this happen there is only how do I get through? How do I lnetive through this? And live through this I intend to do.